I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
