Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
