It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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