Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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