i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize