Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Quick, to the slutcave!
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
