In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
