Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
