I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
