I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize