I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
