My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
