Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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