Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
