so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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