Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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