I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
