My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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