While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
