So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
one might say we're banned from that church
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
