so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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