now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Are my feet made of real feet?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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