her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
