; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
