just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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