i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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