Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
