yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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