So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
