Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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