how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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