I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
