glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just threw up on my dentist
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize