so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
