My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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