Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
