there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
