Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
