I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
