You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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