just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Is it because I queefed?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
