so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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