i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
