if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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