Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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