Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
"it" just moved
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
