I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
