I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
