everyone is single if you try hard enough
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
