I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize