my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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