Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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