I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
