My girlfriend figured out who you are.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
