you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize