If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
