White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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