How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
