Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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