he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
