You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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