so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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