Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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