Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
