My room smells like vodka and shame
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
