it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
