I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
