I wish I could punch you in the face.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
