Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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