you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
