Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
