just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
