apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Is Oprah even human
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
