i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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