My sheets look like a crime scene.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
