it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
