dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
