If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
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