Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
