Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
