My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
