Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
