Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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