Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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