He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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