do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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