I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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