so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
