toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I love you. Go after that dick
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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