she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
this boner is exhausting
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize