Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize