Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
