there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
