Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Enjoy the penises
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
