its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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