1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize