just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize