this just has baby written all over it
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
