it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
