You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize