Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
