i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
