You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
