This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize