you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dignity is for republicans.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Randomize
