She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
