I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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